Maddie+Maddox



Sworn Statement of Maddie Maddox

1. My name is Madeline Maddox. Most people call me Maddie.

2. I’m a maid at Yupsters Apartments. I work on floors three, four, and five.

3. On Tuesday, 12/16/2008, I cleaned Ms. Gwige’s apartment. Because of her foul bird, her rooms are always filthy. That bird carries more diseases than there are people living in this city. It’s a nuisance, I say, and it’s about time something was done about it. We’re a no pet building, but somehow Ms. Gwige convinced the manager to let that vermin stay. Now, I’m not making any accusations, but with her being so rich, because of those freakish opera CD’s that parrot sold, I bet money exchanged hands. But remember, I’m not making any accusations.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened that day. The apartment was filthy, nasty feathers everywhere, rank, odorous bird doo around the floor of the cage.

I don’t understand why the authorities won’t do anything. I, myself, sued that bird. It doesn’t have any place in our apartment building. A judge dismissed the case. I’m sure it didn’t hurt that Ms. Gwige is quite rich. Not that I’m accusing a judge of taking a bribe; I’m just saying.

I was out of the apartment before five o’clock. I have no idea who took the bird, but I say good riddance.

Subscribed and sworn to under the pains and penalties of perjury this 17 day of December, 2008.